The benefits of being in a couple are something I rarely discuss on this blog, being what I like to call ‘a cynic who happened to fall in love’ I rarely draw attention to the fact that I have been proved wrong and am having to eat my well thought out cynical words on a daily basis. I prefer to talk about the arguments, annoyances and general destroyance of all independence that comes with couple dome … not just because it makes for funnier reading but also because I am well aware that when you are single the last thing you want to hear is how amazing it is to have a boyfriend…
This weekend however I had the first boyfriend free weekend in a long time, GB was away on a stag and I had the place to myself. Naturally I invited some of my best friends around for a girly night and what ensued was the three of us going out, getting ridiculously drunk, dancing like mad women, flirting with men who were not our boyfriends and moaning about the men who are our boyfriends. Cliche I know, terrible I know but also a rather necessary fun once in a while.
The three of us, despite having three very different men, had pretty much the same sort of grievances… we moaned about housework – how they clean the bathroom but never clean the toilet properly, how they do the dishes but don’t clean the sink afterwards leaving that grimy grease line around the basin. We moaned about their neediness – how annoying it is when they keep kissing you when you are trying to watch your favourite programme, how they want to hug you the second you walk in the door, ignoring the fact that you may have just walked five miles in the rain and don’t want to do one single thing, not even hug, before you have taken your shoes off, changed in to a pair of trackies and sat down for a second to breathe. We moaned about their inability to understand time – how they sit on the sofa for hours waiting for us to get ready for a night out and then the minute we have our jacket on and are ready to go they announce that they still need to change their shirt/ go to the toilet/ find their wallet…
But amidst all the moaning we came to realise that if these were the only things we had to complain about then it really wasn’t so bad…
And so upon this revelation/eureka moment I decide that for once I would write genuinely about the true benefits of having an other half to go through life with… and I’m not talking about the mushy nonsense, don’t worry I’m still very much set in my cynical ways, you wont find me talking about the joys of waking up and looking into the eyes of the one you love every morning…. no no no that makes me tut just thinking about it. No I am talking about the real things, albeit minor things, but real all the same that make losing your independence and having to put up with a boy in your home worthwhile… If you are in a couple you may know what I’m talking about and if you are single you will definitely know what I’m talking about…. here goes…
The 10 things that are truly worth having a man around for:
1. They deal with the electrical things.
So after a very drunken girls night out on Friday, naturally the whole of Saturday was spent indoors avoiding natural light and showers while slobbing around in pyjamas and eating too much junk food… it made sense that in our hungover state we should want to vegetate in front of something that involved the least amount of brain power as possible – i.e. an afternoon of chick flicks… this became a bit of problem when after about 10 mins of figuring out how to switch the DVD player on, I spent another half an hour switching from channel to channel unable to find the correct one for the DVD. In my haste and frustration I started fiddling with wires and pulling things out and before I knew it the electrical hub of the living room was resembling a bomb disarmament scene. By the time I finally gave up and decided to just watch TV instead I had fiddled with things so much that the signal was completely off and therefore we were left with a DVD running that we couldn’t watch and a TV reception which resembled the matrix code.
After watching TV catch up on a dated laptop for two days, GB came home, took the scart cable out of the digibox, put it into the DVD player… and what do you know? Life as we know it was restored and I was able to sit down and happily watch The Proposal after all!
2. They take the rubbish out… sometimes.
I hate taking the rubbish out – I don’t know why but it’s the one job that I really don’t like doing… getting the bag out of the kitchen bin is one thing – quite often it will burst and leave you with some sort of god knows what on your hands and your new cardigan, and then it always smells, it’s usually heavy and when you carry it down the stairs to the wheelie bin it hits off your legs and leaves smelly dirty god knows what all over your new jeans. Without ever having to announce my dislike of this job, GB has adopted it as one of his (there are certain things around the house that have become his domain such as watering the plants… I water the plants and its like “what are you doing to my plants?” your plants? I thought they were our plants? I don’t water them and its like “Have you killed my plants?”)
Anyway I very much like it when the rubbish magically disappears without me even having to use the excuse that I have my pyjamas on and can’t possibly go outside… so it was to my great annoyance on Friday night that I arrived home drunk with friends in tow to find two bin bags neatly lined up in the hall! Not only had he left me for a whole weekend to survive the horror that is taking the rubbish out, but he had given me an extra two bags to contend with! After ignoring his texts the entire night I broke the silence with words which really showed how much he means to me…
“You didn’t take the rubbish out. How could you not take the rubbish out. I thought you would. It’s your thing. Hope you are happy.” succinct I feel…
3. They send you nice messages when they are drunk (which can then be used against them when they are sober)
While GB was out at the stag party I received around fifteen text messages in the space of a few hours, every one more cheesy than the last and as I was alone, still nursing a hangover, sick after too many Haribo and in tears following ‘Marley and Me’, the more soppy the messages became the more welcomed they were.
When I have had a few drinks I send no text messages to GB and if I do they are of the mean variety (see previous point) I am a mean girlfriend when I drink… GB has named my mean state ‘Ivor the Terrible’ which I have since changed to ‘Ivy the Terrible’ because she was my favourite Beano character and therefore the connotations are more comical cartoon hero than angry psycho girlfriend.
Besides the fact that a soppy ‘I love you’ goes down well with a hungover, hormonal BB its also rather amusing to be able to replay the messages to the sober GB the following day and watch him cringe… god I am mean.
4. They do your dress up at the back.
Now this is one point EVERY girl can understand. I swear I lost track of the amount of times as a single girl I would spend hours attempting to pull up that last bit of the zip or button the top of my dress before giving up and travelling to work/ party/ wedding with an undone dress and waiting until I could ask a workmate/ friend/ best man to finish it off for me… it is a task that is simply impossible for one person alone and one of the few things that while single would cause me to utter the dreaded words… ‘It’s times like these I wish I had a boyfriend’ Now I do and I have to say it make getting dressed in the morning a lot less stressful.
5. They make you cups of tea.
One of my good friends, who has been with her other half a lot longer than BB and GB have been an item explained (in response to my rant about how great the beginning parts of relationships are and how it makes me sad that I’m now passed that) that one of the best things about being with the same guy for so many years is that he makes you a cup of tea… such a simple statement yet said with such genuine conviction… ‘It’s really nice when someone makes you a cup of tea in the morning, or when you are ill, or when it’s raining outside and you want to dunk a biscuit in it… I wouldn’t give up that cup of tea for any of the perks of being single’ and you know what? I couldn’t agree more.
6. They carry the shopping bags
This is in a similar vein to number 4. it is simply not a job for one set of arms… especially when like me you lack any sort of upper body strength in those arms and usually get about 100m from the supermarket before giving up and jumping in a cab/ calling for help/ taking it all back to the supermarket and forgetting the whole thing.
This also applies to carrying suitcases on and off public transport and in airports…
7. They give you hugs.
This is as soppy as I get I promise but I do like a good hug… it solves many a problem in the world, even one as futile as that you didn’t wash your conditioner out of your hair properly and it by the time you realised you were already dry and running late… which made you cry. A good hug always helps…. GB gives especially good hugs!
8. You always have someone to drag along to the events you really don’t want to go to.
When I was single I was very independent. I could do pretty much anything on my own and it really didn’t bother me… but there were those few occasions when all of your friends were doing something with their boyfriends and something came up that you really couldn’t go to alone… usually I would politely turn it down and then sulk at home in front on the telly about how boring all of my friends had become… now whatever the event, and whenever it is, if I can’t rely on anyone else I can always drag along GB as a last resort, usually by bribing him with promises of baked goods or sexual favours… This also comes in very handy for those events you don’t want to go to alone – family events where everyone is asking why you are not married yet or friends weddings where you know no one and need a dance partner so as to avoid that rather sleazy looking older gentleman in the corner just waiting for his moment to pounce on the singletons and ask ‘May I have this dance?’
9. They do DIY.
Ok not necessarily well but they do it! GB was recently given a tool kit and in that very second that he opened the box and laid eyes on the array of nuts, bolts, screws and hammers it was as if he finally saw himself as a real man. Since this moment I have witnessed many things within the flat be taken on as a project to be fixed. I have also witnessed many things being put back exactly as they were after a lot of swearing and sweating seemed to prove that they were unfix-able. The point is that I no longer have the responsibility on my shoulders that I may one day accidentally drill a hole into the wrong place and consequentially cause the whole building to fall down.
10. You can get a bit fat and it doesn’t matter.
And to the greatest thing of all about loving someone and having someone who loves you… you can pig out together, safe in the knowledge that neither of you will notice one iota when you both go up two cup sizes…
And so there you have it… it only took me about two hours and around 500words to come up with 10 things which are actually OK about having a man around… I’m pretty sure it would take me less than a minute to come up with 10 things are are definitely not OK but that’s another story…